Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
