I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
