so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
