Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
