Whod you bang
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
