...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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