I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
