btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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