I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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