Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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