So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
this is an emotional support booty call
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
