it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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