Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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