a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
