One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize