you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
