what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
