sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
