he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
