You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
