She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
