hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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