I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
