Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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