He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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