I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
