you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
