so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
