She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize