You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
