Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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