She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
