No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
