if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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