I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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