so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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