No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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