...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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