I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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