One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
