I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh god the rape fog is back!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
