i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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