WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
