Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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