'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
