A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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