Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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