He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
