is your mom at the bar?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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