Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
