just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
