Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
