So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
