Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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