I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fuck appropriateness.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
