remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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