is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
