"it" just moved
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
