how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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