she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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