i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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