Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
