Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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