i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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