The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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