At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize