I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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