So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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