eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
