I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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