youre lurking in front of me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
