i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she told me i tasted like america
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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