whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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