ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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