if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
