Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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