I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
