I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
