Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
