You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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