i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
