she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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