tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
