my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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