i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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