I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
