A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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