So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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