I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
