Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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