Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
