i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
