you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
