There was a lot of him and a little penis
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
