I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
