we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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