Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
