Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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