eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
