I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
